Photo of the Guy Who Impregnated President Obama”s Daughter Malia
In what promises to be the biggest White
House scandal since intern fellatio, President
Barack Obama’s daughter, 16-year-old Malia,
has confirmed that she is pregnant.
Sources say Malia is now in her second
trimester. Mother and First Lady, Michelle
Obama, says that although she will be a
grandmother much younger than she planned,
teen pregnancy runs in the family.
“On her father’s side of course. My mother-
in-law had Barack when she was 18, so I see
where Malia gets it from. I’m just so excited
to decorate the nursery. The White House
hasn’t seen a baby since oh, 1884 or so.”
For now, Malia is staying hush-hush about the
father’s identity, but one thing she would say
is that he is white. “My mom always hoped I
would get with a nice mixed-race man like
dad, but love is so colorblind. Mom was
probably right though. The dad already left me
for some tramp. And of course, like all white
men, my baby-daddy won’t want to pay his
child support. I already told him, ‘You want to
keep your license so you can drive that
bleach-blond tramp around in your little
Jaguar, right? Better step up.’”
Despite her future motherhood, Malia is still
considering her college options. “It’s not like
Stanford or Berkeley are going to, like, turn me
down for being a teen mother. Hello, I’m the
president’s daughter. This doesn’t ruin my
plans for a future at all. I can probably get a
book deal out of this in a few years. MTV
already offered to give me my own
show, White House Baby-Momma-Drama or
something stupidly titled like that. I was like,
no way – that’s so white trash.”
President Obama says he is being supportive
of his daughter, despite being as outraged as
any father would be if his young daughter
announced an unexpected pregnancy. “We’re
all very relieved this little blessing happened,
and thankfully in my second term.” When
asked about his daughter’s ex-boyfriend, he
replied, “He’s just lucky I didn’t have him
erased. Don’t mess with the Commander-in-
Chief, homeboy. Ever hear of the Secret
Service? Regardless, we’re sure he’ll come
around.”
In what promises to be the biggest White
House scandal since intern fellatio, President
Barack Obama’s daughter, 16-year-old Malia,
has confirmed that she is pregnant.
Sources say Malia is now in her second
trimester. Mother and First Lady, Michelle
Obama, says that although she will be a
grandmother much younger than she planned,
teen pregnancy runs in the family.
“On her father’s side of course. My mother-
in-law had Barack when she was 18, so I see
where Malia gets it from. I’m just so excited
to decorate the nursery. The White House
hasn’t seen a baby since oh, 1884 or so.”
For now, Malia is staying hush-hush about the
father’s identity, but one thing she would say
is that he is white. “My mom always hoped I
would get with a nice mixed-race man like
dad, but love is so colorblind. Mom was
probably right though. The dad already left me
for some tramp. And of course, like all white
men, my baby-daddy won’t want to pay his
child support. I already told him, ‘You want to
keep your license so you can drive that
bleach-blond tramp around in your little
Jaguar, right? Better step up.’”
Despite her future motherhood, Malia is still
considering her college options. “It’s not like
Stanford or Berkeley are going to, like, turn me
down for being a teen mother. Hello, I’m the
president’s daughter. This doesn’t ruin my
plans for a future at all. I can probably get a
book deal out of this in a few years. MTV
already offered to give me my own
show, White House Baby-Momma-Drama or
something stupidly titled like that. I was like,
no way – that’s so white trash.”
President Obama says he is being supportive
of his daughter, despite being as outraged as
any father would be if his young daughter
announced an unexpected pregnancy. “We’re
all very relieved this little blessing happened,
and thankfully in my second term.” When
asked about his daughter’s ex-boyfriend, he
replied, “He’s just lucky I didn’t have him
erased. Don’t mess with the Commander-in-
Chief, homeboy. Ever hear of the Secret
Service? Regardless, we’re sure he’ll come
around.”
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